At the beginning of 2024, the Life Works management team (we refer to our group as "All In") sat together for our weekly meeting and held space for each of us to journal about, converse about and share with each other one Word we would be holding close to our hearts as we entered the new year. My word was and remains Emergence. Emergence can be defined as the process of coming into being, or of becoming important or prominent. When I dig a bit deeper into the word, the Latin root of the word emergence is emergere, which means bring to light. What have I and am I bringing to light? Before I get to the What, allow me to jump into the Why and the How.
I've been immersed in the field of Human Services for 26 years of my 47 years on this planet. That's well over half my life. I've called my work home for the past 17 years, Life Works, and plan to refer to Life Works as my eternal resting place for my career. It means that much to me. Truly. That it means that much to me, doesn't by any stretch of the imagination mean it's always been flowers and fields. I've had a couple of existential crises in my career in this field. The first coming in my early 20's while working in an institutional setting in Santa Barbara, CA, when I was studying at the University of California, Santa Barbara. My time spent in this setting is foundational for my evolution as a practitioner in this field and as a human trying to make sense of this life we're given. When I say foundational, I'm referring to, in these early days/months/years, the shadow space of our field. The very worst of what we can do to human beings, to children. The very worst of how Systems operate with their own self-interest in mind, lacking any sort of warmth or heart. The very worst of what lives in our collective blind-spot as a System. I Struggled with feelings of unease and increased anxiety. Then enter an ally. I was seen by my first non-parental mentor, a dear friend named Jeff, who remains such an important player in the story of my life. He brought me in and gave me space to heal, as well as kept me in this field. "That you're having a crisis in this container, within the walls of this institution, indicates to me you're in the right field. Stay in it, just change your positioning with it."
From the shadow of these years, came the light of lessons held onto for my entire life, fueling the energy to never go back. That's right, I, We, are NOT GOING BACK! On a life-changing, positive note, I met the most important person in my life while living and working in this setting, my wife, partner, co-parent, best friend and co-holder of my wellbeing...Jody.
Fast forward to my time here at Life Works, a Supported Living agency dedicated to partnering with humans looking to live real lives...lives of distinction and purpose...I found myself in yet another existential career crisis. Our work is 24/7. Why? Because we've chosen to work with humans. Unlike building computers for a living, humans don't live between the hours of Monday through Friday from 9am-5pm. Our work, Life Works, is 24/7. Humans live around the clock. So without an awareness of the vortex of 24/7 work, whose power feels as strong as the moon's gravitational pull on the earth, affecting the waves of experience crashing over me, I found myself once again tired and out of breath. Leaking capacity by as the days ticked by, on-call, in a reactive state most of the time and leaning into habits unhealthy. I began to numb the stress of life, Life Works, with alcohol. This went on for some time before coming to a head, and as mentioned earlier in this piece, Jody, the co-holder of my wellbeing, nudged me into a space of clarity, exploration and discovery. About 4 years ago, my wife asked me the most important question of my life, something a close friend does for someone they love, a question from a love closer than any to me: "What are you going to do about it?" I am eternally grateful to Jody for this direct and supportive nudge. I continue to be held and encouraged to reach for my highest future potential by her, by myself (more on how I'm practicing this later). We hold each other sacred as we walk together in life. That moment shifted the course of my life inward, where I've found a path to inner peace and wellbeing.
An Introduction
I was introduced to the practice of Mindfulness in 2009 while attending a gathering in Toronto, The Toronto Summer Institute on Inclusion. The teacher at the time was a guy named Alan Sloan. I remember being interested in his teachings and Mindfulness, but paid little attention beyond being in rooms where this was the topic of conversation or attending Alan's morning sessions. I dabbled a bit here and there with some guided meditation apps and was reintroduced to the practice of Mindfulness, as an embedded step in a social technology called Theory U. Theory U was being used by the likes of some of my most cherished teachers in this field, John O'Brien and Beth Mount.
"Hey," I thought, "if these two people feel connected to this framework, perhaps I should be paying a bit of attention to it."
Bite after bite, I consumed literature around this framework and the element I became most drawn to was at the bottom of the U, the place Otto Scharmer, co-creator of Theory U, refers to as Presencing. Presencing is not an actual word in the english language, Scharmer combined the words Presence and Sensing to form Presencing. As I understand it, its the space with which we as humans drop below the surface and touch into what wants to be born from within. Beyond the layers of armoring we've built as we grow into adulthood, formed from our familial and cultural conditioning. Deep down within, we have access to our own knowing...our true nature. It was from this place, Scharmer writes, where we can begin to crystallize and bring forth that which wants to Emerge. There it is, that word, Emerge. All of this exploration culminated in 2019 as I traveled to Berlin, Germany, to attend the Presencing Institute Foundation Program. You can read more about that adventure and Theory U here: https://www.lifeworks-sls.com/post/a-learning-journey-to-berlin-the-presencing-institute-and-theory-u
I began to dive deeper within myself and committed to a consistent Mindfulness Meditation practice. With growing clarity about my path and my future, I found in the present, feelings of being misaligned. No longer numbing as an escape, I was left to be with feelings of anxiety, doubt, fear, and at times, despair. I felt trapped. Enter another critically important player in the story of my life, Beth Gallagher. Beth started Life Works in 2004. I came into the picture in 2007. Our partnership is predicated on vulnerability, love, mutual respect, support and trust. Beth and I are closely connected, we refer to each other as work-spouses and a few years ago, she sensed something going on with me.
I was flirting with leaving altogether, exploring options for post-graduate programs and looking into different fields. In the throws of this incredibly important conversation about life purpose and making meaning of what we do at Life Works, along with very real futures planning around the continuance of Life Works as an organization and feeling like it wasn't sustainable for me at the time, Beth asked me the second most important question of my life in recent years "What if it looked different?" and again, life took an unexpected and incredible turn towards the blending of my Mindfulness journey and Life Works.
If Life Works' mission for the people it partners with is to truly see someone, hear someone and value someone, then isn't this how we should interface and show up in the world on behalf of ourselves and on behalf of others? With a quality of listening and attention that invites the truest of nature in people to come forth. A quality of listening that says not only do I see you...I Feel you; and there is a place for your contribution to blossom and bloom here. Regardless of role or label.
Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program (MMTCP)
Shortly after clearing much needed space to explore "What More Is Possible?" for myself and Life Works, a question posed in a transformational framework created by John O'Brien and Beth Mount in 2013, the social media algorithm found me. "The best way to deepen your own practice, is to teach it." I had not really connected yet with any post-graduate programs and had decided to create a new path for myself within Life Works, as a way to make this place my forever home. Having been on a significantly deeper dive into my own human experience, the opportunity and invitation to engage in this program opened a door to a vast spaciousness of possibility and wonder. In November of 2022, I found myself in the mountains of my childhood at the Big Bear Mountain Retreat Center attending a 7-night silent meditation retreat, a pre-requisite for admittance to MMTCP. The picture at the beginning of this piece is from that experience and the message "You are exactly where you are supposed to be" rings true to this day. I know in the deepest center of my being I am on a path of alignment. This alignment continues to map the connections from this world of Mindfulness into the world of Life Works and Person Centered Planning.
During my time in Big Bear, I found myself mostly just trying to master the mechanics of what was being asked. Wake. Sit. Eat. Work. Walk. Sit. Walk. Sit. Listen. Eat. Sit. Walk. Rinse and repeat. Sleep. 7 days/nights. As the time drew closer to an end, I felt this warm embrace come over me. I expressed in a practice group with one of the teachers guiding the retreat, "I can only describe how I'm feeling like it is as if I'm being held. Perhaps what this is about, us sitting long-form retreat, is about us being held by this place, the mountains, the trees, the sitting hall, the teachers, the other practitioners...held here and now, so we may do the holding of others when we leave this place." While mostly mechanical, that first retreat gave me the gift of this epiphany. We must find ways in which we can hold ourselves with love and compassion, so we can do the holding of others.
In January of 2024, I attended my 2nd 7-night retreat, this under advisement from my mentor at MMTCP, Dalila Bothwell. Having spent most of 2023 immersed in the teachings and lineage of Vipassana Meditation, or Insight Meditation as it is translated here, this trip to Northern California came at a time where I honestly was feeling overwhelmed. So much content and literature and practice and talks and AHHHHH!!!!! Dalila knew what she was doing with this nudge to attend another retreat. This time, entering a retreat having spent an entire year studying and practicing Mindfulness Meditation under the guidance of sage teachers and the warm support of my assigned Peer Group, I was apprehensive. I knew now what dropping below the surface meant. Another significant difference between the first and second retreat was the passing of my father, John Hinkleman Sr., in October of 2023.
Feeling as though I had grieved for him thoroughly, what came flooding in while sitting on retreat at Spirit Rock Meditation Center, was an internal exfoliation of pain...pouring out of my eyes and down my cheeks. Sorrow coursing through my body. Much needed space for grieving and much needed space for healing. The feeling of being overwhelmed subsided and the content of my course-work began settling in, providing a much needed sense of calm. A quality welcomed as I had been grappling with a healthy dose of Imposter Syndrome leading up to the retreat. The voice inside that asks "Who the hell are you to think you can teach this to anyone?" Connecting lessons and values present during my matriculation through MMTCP, my personal practice, and this Insight Meditation Retreat, juxtaposed with my familial and spiritual conditioning and upbringing, emerged and illuminated more and more assurances that this path I now walk is leading to the unfolding, the Emergence, of what I feel needs more attention.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is Awareness. Mindfulness in and of itself is the practice of quieting the mind and steadying the heart. How do I do this? Well, it’s referred to as a practice for a reason…it takes practice. For me, it’s a daily morning sitting meditation on a cushion for 15-30 minutes depending on the day. I practice first thing in the morning, prior to any screens or external data coming into my consciousness. Control the flow first thing, before the sun rises.
Mindfulness of Breath-A Portal to Presence
My breath is such a loyal companion. A friend who loves me unconditionally, regardless of my awareness of it’s presence…it never leaves my side.
It’s through this practice of Mindfulness of Breath…or Awareness of Breath, where I become intentional about establishing an Anchor. If my intention is to quiet my mind and steady my heart, I must become aware of the proclivity of my mind to bounce all over the place. Buddhist psychology refers to this as our Monkey Mind, jumping from one branch to the next. One thought to the next. Joseph Goldstein refers to this as 'boarding the train of thought, only, I have no idea where the train is going.’
Becoming aware of my breath allows me to come back to the present moment, to feel into my body in a way that is good for my body physiologically and has been, with practice, good for me emotionally and spiritually.
There was a large period of my life where I spent little to no time aware of my breath. Engaged in a life and pattern of disembodied behaviors. Yet, as a loyal friend, someone who cares deeply about me, my breath never left me. Never ceased trying to communicate to me. My breath is capable of reacting to whatever it is I’m doing. So in those years of disembodied behavior, my breath morphed into this life support system trapped in the reactivity of Fight, Flight or Freeze. Short, shallow, fatigued. Maybe even sometimes stopping when I’m sleeping over and over again, only to wake me violently off and on throughout the night. In reflecting about the breath, I think about all the years I spent ignoring its loving awareness of my physical state, my emotional state, my spiritual state. The scale of reciprocity within the relationship between myself and my breath was tipped heavily to the side of my breath. Shouldering the burden of my life and supporting me in a reactive state, for years. I’m in a much more balanced relationship with my breath, one in which the scale is in balance...and from a place of balance has been this movement from reactivity to responsiveness.
Breath is life. Jack Kornfield, Co-Founder and Co-Teacher of MMTCp, speaks of the breath like this:
“It connects us with all the things around us. When you take a breath, you are interbreathing with the pines and the Redwood Trees. You are interbreathing with the air that crossed over the Pacific Ocean and dusted the caps of Mauna Kea and Mauna Loa and comes into your lungs. We are interwoven into the breathing of the Earth.”
Our breath illuminates our interdependence, shedding light on the notion that we are part of something much bigger than ourselves.
I wrote earlier about the breath’s capacity to react to my life, in the midst of jumping from branch to branch, or riding along the train of thought to a destination unknown, or unconsciously repeating patterns of behavior that pulled me further and further away from my true self. My breath helped me to survive in this reactive period. The gift of the breath, now that I am intentional about partnering with it, is that it has helped me to respond a bit more skillfully to my life as it unfolds. The scale of reciprocity has fallen into balance with my consistent, steady and welcoming practice of Mindfulness of Breath. My breath is a teacher and the lessons gleaned are vital to my wellbeing. I bow to my breath. I honor my breath.
Mindfulness of The Body-Dropping Below the Surface
Mindfulness of the Breath opens a portal to the 1st Foundation of Mindfulness: Mindfulness of the Body. When we’re awake in the body, we’re alive hear and now. We’re attuned with our sensations, good or bad, strong or faint. We’re often so disconnected from the neck down. The common denominator for all our suffering is disconnection with the body. We’re at war with our bodies.
One of the goals of practice is to inhabit a full presence…and the domain of the body is the energetic substrata of every other experience of emotions, thoughts, perceptions…all experienced on a physical level.
Pema Chodron, Mindfulness Teacher and writer, says this: “It is also helpful to realize that this very body that we have, that is sitting here right now, with its aches and its pleasures, is exactly what we need to be fully human, fully awake, fully alive.”
It is a constant reminder of our physical existence…thus another close companion. It’s why the breath is so vital to locate. In Mindfulness of Breath, there is this progression of locating the breath…to focusing on the breath…to labeling the breath (in-breath, out-breath)…to then, hopefully, with practice, finding an ease with the breath by melting into union with the Body breathing itself. Breath is a portal to connection with the Body.
Without intention to be here, we leave all the time. It is our universal conditioning to exit. Why? Our bodily experience is out of our control and our survival instinct is to try to control things. So to really inhabit this body, means to be willing to surrender to what it feels like to lose control. We leave by dissociating. Our current cultural conditioning makes it so much easier for us to leave our bodies. We have these magical devices in our pockets, purses, bags, etc. which provide an easy escape with the simple act of looking at the screen, it opens a portal to a world far away from where we currently are. Full of news and expectations to respond to messages quickly...fast, fast, fast. Now, I don't think smartphones are all bad, in fact many of you here may very well be reading this on your smartphone, and that's great!
What becomes paramount is an awareness of our relationship to these phones. Phones, and technology in general, are like a super power. Lest we forget the sage advice Uncle Ben gave to Peter Parker as he struggled to understand his own super power, "With great power, comes great responsibility." Alas, I digress. Back to our bodies...
There is an existential unease, that we’re not able to be at home with that which is impermanent or out of our control. So how can we offer practices of reconnecting?
Joseph Campbell (American Writer, Comparative Mythology, Hero’s Journey) uses an image of a circle with a line right through the middle of it, The Circle of Awareness. The more we practice, the line moves down, and we have more light on our awareness of what is below the surface. We’re becoming more aware of our true Self…our true nature. We’re including more and more of what we’ve pushed under the line. It’s a part of waking up, and that can be difficult.
How do we practice? We start with a pre-identified sensory anchor, touch-points in the body or breath or sound…to help us come back…over and over again.
Qualities to pay attention to, when Coming Back to presence are:
· Gentle
· Slow
· Interest
· Care
Tara Brach, another of my primary teachers in MMTCP (along with Jack Kornfield), says “We are forgiving when we leave & gentle when we come back. The anchor is a beautiful support to coming back. A way to collect our scatteredness.”
Mindfulness of Emotions-Being Fully Human
The Second Foundation of Mindfulness is Mindfulness of Emotions. Emotions can also be described as feeling states. It is important to understand that the popular saying “Being all up in my feels” is totally human. When we’re not mindful of our feelings, they can completely run our day. We end up in a cycle of reactivity, disembodied from our experience of...fill in the blank (anxious, sad, stressed, etc.) When we identify/react to each one of these endless feeling states, our life gets tossed around and caught up by each one and makes for a very unpleasant way of moving through this world.
Mindfulness allows us to know what is being felt and over time, provides the stillness and calm for us to have a wise relationship to our whole feeling life and be in balance with all the swings in both directions. The point is not to stop feelings, nor is it to react to each one. The invitation as practitioners of Mindfulness is to know them, name them and decide how to respond to them. I like the metaphor of the ocean and waves. Emotions/feeling states are the waves. Waves of experience. As I become aware of my emotions, Mindful of my emotions, I can begin to trust the vastness of my being, like the ocean…nodding, bowing and acknowledging that these emotions are simply waves passing through.
When strong emotions arise, we often feel bad about ourselves because of it. There is a metaphor to describe this phenomenon: The Two Arrows
1st Arrow: We’re dealing with tough stuff.
2nd Arrow: We don’t like ourselves for having tough stuff.
Without Awareness/Mindfulness, it can go like this: “I feel bad” (First Arrow) “I am bad” (Second Arrow). It’s as if we feel like these bad feelings are my fault…which leads to shame. Here is a fascinating and important factoid: emotions only last for 90 seconds in our bodies. It’s the Second Arrow of thought/judgment that clings to the emotional state and makes it seem as if the emotion is lasting for a long time, or forever. Bringing back wisdom from Tara Brach: “When you name feelings, it gives you the space to observe and feel them, without being swept up by them. This soft naming gives perspective, bowing to the feeling…creating spaciousness and freedom.” A teacher and practitioner, Michelle McDonald, created a practice called RAIN as a guide for how we can work with strong emotions, either as a formal practice on the cushion, or an informal resource in the moment, while out in the wild. I spell RAINN with two 'N's as Tara Brach changed Michelle's N from Non-Identification to Nurture, which I feel both work well:
RAINN: The Intelligence of the Heart
Recognize
Allow
Investigate
Non-Identify
Nurture
RAINN is a long form version of us staying with the experience of life, in that pause, enveloped by our own power and freedom, even if that sometimes feels like we’re cloaked in darkness. We control it with our growing sense of agency over our lives. RAINN provides the space we need to move from reaction to response, embodying wisdom from Victor Frankl when he writes “Between the stimulus and response lies our power and freedom.”
Dan Siegel shares “We spend a lot of time judging ourselves harshly for feelings we had no role in summoning. The only thing you can control is how you handle it.” When I’m working with emotions, it is so easy for me to be swept away by the Voice of Judgment. It is ubiquitous. Yet, if I’m mindful of this judging, which is a feeling, and I’ll name it as unpleasant, I’m cultivating my capacity to shift my relationship to it. Which for me, is what Mindfulness is all about, whether I’m working with Emotions, or my Thoughts. All of this for me is about a shift in my relationship to my experience…and in that, I find peace. A growing fortitude and a capacity to hold life with compassion.
Mindfulness of Thoughts-Working with Thoughts and Beliefs
One of the great meditation masters of the forest tradition, Ajahn Buddhadasa, was asked how the modern world appeared to him from his remote forest monastery. His response was, “Lost in thought.”
The third foundation of Mindfulness is Mindfulness of Thoughts. The Mind is creative in enormous ways, and it can also be destructive. It is in the wake of this destruction that our thoughts can feel like a waterfall of despair, pummeling us nonstop with a force difficult to deal with.
The Tibetan lama Khyentse Rinpoche explains, “Mind creates both samsara and nirvana. Yet there is not much to it, it is just thoughts. Once we recognize that thoughts are empty, the mind will no longer have the power to deceive us.”
Jack Kornfield refers to thoughts as “little dictators” demanding where we go, what we do, and what to believe about ourselves and about the world around us. What we’re practicing in Mindfulness of Thoughts is the cultivation of our capacity to shift from being Pummeled by the Waterfall to Seeing the Waterfall.
The phrase, “I can’t stop thinking,” is common amongst practitioners. When we’re “seeing the waterfall” we realize thoughts just flow automatically. It is liberating to become aware of this process, let go of the need to stop it, and shift our positioning…perhaps from directly beneath the force of the water, to a calm place a few feet behind it, or in front of it, where we can possibly sit and observe the waterfall from a new perspective.
There are dimensions of our Human Experience:
· Love
· Mystery
· Care
· Connection
· Presence
· Attunement with one another
None of these have anything to do with the Dimension of Thought. When we can get our thoughts to quiet down, we’re able to make ourselves available to the world in a different way…attuned to our human experience. We begin to see the thinking of our mind as an observer. When we can get to this place, we see more clearly the pathway back to the heart and the wisdom it holds, the intelligence it offers and light it provides out of the darkness of our minds.
“The mind creates the abyss, and the heart crosses it.” ~Sri Nisargadatta
“Of what avail is it, if we can travel to the moon, if we cannot cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves and one another?” ~Thomas Merton
These two quotes help us to understand the importance of being Aware of our Thoughts, Mindfulness of Thoughts, and at the same time understanding our tremendous capacity to love. We’re shifting from the abyss of the mind, by using the compass of the heart. Here we are again, with the Two Wings of Awareness and Compassion.
This all comes down to, and starts with, Awareness. Our awareness of the thinking mind, it’s nature and that these thoughts become beliefs. These beliefs then become our foundation, without Mindfulness, which can be destructive to our hearts and souls.
There are 3 Levels of Awareness in Thoughts and Minds:
Notice the Content of Experience: How many are planning thoughts or judging thought? Noticing the content helps us learn the landscape of the mind.
Notice Thoughts are Insubstantial: Thoughts are real, but not true…most of the time. When we understand this, it illuminates the process of thinking. Which is important to delineate.
Notice you are the witness of it all. We become an observer of the waterfall.
Underneath our thoughts, is a longing to connect in a deep way, with who we are and what we are doing…with life itself. With consistent practice of Mindfulness of Thoughts, we are touching back into the dimensions of human experience:
· Love
· Mystery
· Care
· Connection
· Presence
· Attunement with one another
Tara Brach shares “If we’re at war with our thoughts, we’re going to be at war for the rest of our life.”
How we relate to our thoughts is what makes all the difference in the world. Our practice is the awareness of what IS now, and our experience of it. THAT is the practice. Normalizing thoughts, emotions…not here to fix anything. People have the right to our experience. We have the agency to let go of the stories we believe, which derive from the waterfall of thoughts we find ourselves under so often. Often these beliefs are self-limiting…keeping us away from touching into our true nature. Our capacity to shift our perspective, understand the process of thinking and observe the waterfall, creates space to ask Tara Brach’s freeing question around self-limiting beliefs:
“Who would I be if I didn’t believe this? How we feel when we ask this question is truth. This is who we really are, this sense of opening and spaciousness. The truth is, that is who we are…the beingness that lies beyond our beliefs is the truth. Our evolution is the discovery of who we are, beyond our beliefs. Our longing to wake up out of our limiting beliefs is our wakened heart calling to us.”
The Wise Heart-A Bridge to Inclusion
Perhaps the most touching, or impactful element of my studies in Mindfulness over the past few years has been the exploration of the qualities of the heart. I've long believed in Love as a foundational quality necessary to fuel the energy needed to work in the field of human services, yet, love seems to be avoided like the plague in work-places. More on that later.
These heart qualities are:
Metta (Lovingkindness): a heart that cares
Mudita (Appreciative Joy): a heart that delights in the happiness of others
Karuna (Compassion): a heart that responds
Upekkha (Equanimity): a heart that allows
In his book “Compassion and Emptiness in Early Buddhist Meditation", Bhikku Analayo distinguishes the four Brahmaviharas, or immeasurable minds-the four qualities of true love-using images of the sun.
Metta, or loving friendliness, he says, is like the sun at noon, bright and strong, shining on everyone.
For Karuna, compassion, the image is of the sun setting, meeting the darkness of suffering with tenderness and care.
Mudita, appreciative joy, carries the image of the sunrise, brightening up everything in its path, moving upward with freshness and inspiration. And the image for Upekkha, equanimity, is of the full moon reflecting the light of the sun in the vast, cloudless night sky.
For the purposes of this piece, I'd like to focus a bit more on Metta, the overarching quality of the heart practices. As I understand it, Metta is about an attitude, a way of living/being, the intention of goodwill; it isn’t limited to having, getting, or generating certain feelings. Metta is speaking about a response to the unsatisfactory nature of the world and returning to our true nature. This is the beauty of dropping below the surface with Mindfulness practic. Metta gives me leverage on how to respond to my own thoughts, beliefs, sensations, and attitudes…even when the “right” feelings are not present.
Earlier, I touched on RAIN(N) and Tara Brach’s question “Who would I be if I didn’t believe the story I’ve been telling myself?” When we drop the story and touch into our true nature, we find the quality of love. In our culture, love is seen as weak. Yet, we’ve seen entire social justice movements throughout history be driven by non-violence and love.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate, only love can do that.” ~Dr. Martin Luther King
Metta is the planting of seeds of love, and the practice is bringing water to the flower so it can grow. When we’re able to love ourselves, it opens our eyes to seeing the love in others. Love is an act of bravery. It flies in the face of strong, societal currents of judgment, cynicism and fear.
Another metaphor for Metta, or Love, is described by Ursula Le Guin: “Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; Remade all the time, made new.”
Love is counterculture. Practicing Metta strenghtens our capacity to hold the weight of this counterculture movement. I’ve often referred to Life Works as this little fish, swimming against a strong current...the current of a larger System and societal views that drive the narrative of what is possible for people. I believe love is strong. Love is human. If Human Services is the field in which we live and work, we're the imposters if we choose not to honor the Human in Human Services...which means to honor and cultivate these qualities of the heart. To cultivate love. To be love.
Sharon Salzberg, Mindfulness Meditation teacher, author, wonderful human, once spent 7 years practicing only Metta. That is how important cultivating this quality of the heart is. 7 years!
“Metta is the ability to embrace all parts of ourselves, as well as all parts of the world. Practicing Metta illuminates our inner integrity because it relieves us of the need to deny different aspects of ourselves.” ~Sharon Salzberg
Shelli Graf, another teacher I had the pleasure of meeting and studying under while on retreat earlier this year, brought forth a message about the importance of cultivating these heart qualities. I'm paraphrasing here, but essentially the message she conveyed was 'cultivating the qualities of the heart builds a bridge to Inclusion.' A feeling only described as a burst of compassion permeated my very being in that moment. I felt, again, held. I felt seen. I felt encouraged. I felt affirmed. This journey which had led me to this place back in January, on the threshold of the discovery about the practical application of my learning through these years in MMTCP and beyond, coupled with my personal and disciplined practice over the past several years began to settle into my core. A warmth from within, generated by the stoking of my true nature with the quality of Alignment fanning the flame within. With an energy to lean into my life and work with Life Works and as a human attempting to show up and interface with the world around me in a way that aligns fully with my true nature; I have Emerged. Beth's question "What if it looked different?" could have just as well been Tara's question “Who would I be if I didn’t believe the story I’ve been telling myself?”
Emergence-What 'Different' Looks Like...Bodhi Light
"We can take refuge in the fullness of who we are in any moment. The more we turn toward what we love, the more we'll discover it right here, live from it, teach from it." ~Tara Brach
In my studies in Mindfulness, which is a practice derived from Buddhism, there are figures who are called Bodhisattva's. My understanding is that a Bodhisattva is someone committed to a path of enlightenment, with a caveat that their mission is to help others along this path. Having been deeply immersed in the practice for years now, I've come to an understanding that this 'Buddha Nature' or 'True Nature' or 'Higher Self' is something all people have, it's just that we're not paying much attention to it.
I've named this innate nature within us as our Bodhi Light. It is up to us, when ready, to discover that light, no matter how bright, and shine it in a way that it illuminates the path we walk. Due to varying circumstances, familial conditioning, cultural conditioning, etc. we humans get swept away by the waves of strong thoughts and emotions and spiral into versions of ourselves, holding the labels and roles we carry out front, masking who we truly are as a means of to making it through each day. This is a useful skill to have for our survival in lots of cases. Yet, the more we preclude our Bodhi Light from shining, the harder it will be for us to truly find inner peace and freedom. Which will make it super difficult to help others we partner with, locate their own truth and vision for the life they want to live. The bridge from this practice, to person centered work in human services, is beginning to Emerge.
I'm nearing the end of my Practicum Year in my Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program. My Spring and Summer Cohorts, were comprised of people somehow connected to Life Works: people we support, team members (DSPs), parents, siblings, neighbors. We are trying our best to embody the idea that every person should be afforded the space to explore their own experience and tap into their Bodhi Light. One way this is manifesting is with an actual physical space.
At the start of 2024, an additional office space emerged within the building Life Works calls home already. The Life Works Wellbeing Studio is unfolding as we speak. Created from the ground up, it welcomes offerings around Mindfulness practices, drop-in meditations and classes like "Yoga For Every Body". The vision for this space is to create a container, a Brave Space, for people to come and lean into their own wellbeing and healing journeys. Over my career in the human services field, I've collected lots of empirical data. The data shows, and I've lived it, that we humans who identify as 'helpers' often don't do much helping of ourselves.
Life Works is currently exploring a blind spot. If I have experienced these existential career crises in my life, so have others. If these practices I've engaged in have been transformational for me, they can be for others. And what's the harm? This is simply an offering, an invitation, to sit and be with your own lived experience. Take it or leave it. Is it possible we'll be labeled as a bit 'far out' or 'touchy feely' or just flat out crazy? Maybe. It is worth mentioning that Neuroscience has proven that having consistent Mindfulness practices can lead to a stronger capacity to regulate our nervous systems, moving away from a constant state of flight, fight or freeze, and into a greater awareness of what is and how we relate to what is present. Even as such, we understand this is counterculture. I'm ok with that. Life Works is ok with that. This is what different looks like.
IF we're to BE different, we must lean into these wide open spaces of darkness and try our best to shed our individual light on them. The first step is working on locating that light, changing the battery, stoking the flame, rekindling the energy we were all born with and lost sight of as we grew up in our places, in our families and for many folks we interface with, in Systems. The damage is real. Though we are not broken, we do feel like it. We carry stories we've been playing over and over in our heads, on repeat, like reruns. In fact, 90% of the stories we believe are reruns and most of them are FAKE NEWS.
Who we truly are lies under the surface, and these practices of stillness and reflection, where we quiet the mind and steady the heart, afford us the space we need to cultivate the qualities of the heart mentioned earlier in this piece. What Shelli meant by these qualities building a bridge to Inclusion, for me, means we're first and foremost, including ourselves. Inclusion happens first by helping ourselves. Sending love and compassion to ourselves. Then, only then, can we authentically emit this love and care and support to those we find ourselves in partnership with. Love is the foundation. Metta. Whatever language, from whatever lineage. It starts and ends with Love.
In her book "All About Love," Bell Hooks talks about the notion of a 'love ethic' in the workplace. This is a radical notion. Love is a radical act. So how is it we feel so distant? Bell Hooks writes, "In an ideal world we would all learn in childhood to love ourselves. We would grow, being secure in our worth and value, spreading love wherever we went, letting our light shine. If we did not learn self-love in our youth, there is still hope. The light of love is always in us, no matter how cold the flame. It is always present, waiting for the spark to ignite, waiting for the heart to awaken and call us back to the first memory of being the life force inside a dark place waiting to be born-waiting to see the light."
The people we partner with here, the people we support, our direct support professionals…all of us…are more than the label we carry, the role we embody, and the words written in Assessments and Support Plans. I am more than a Director. Ashley is more than a Coordinator. Nate is more than a DSP. Rosie is more than a person receiving services.
I feel as though, perhaps as a survival strategy, we use these labels/roles as a safe haven to live under. A predictable, identifiable-to-others role that we enact. It's hard to deal with the hard stuff. How profound is that? Bryan Stevenson is the founder of the Equal Justice Initiative. "EJI is a legal practice dedicated to defending the poor, the wrongly condemned, and those trapped in the furthest reaches of our criminal justice system." In his book, "Just Mercy," Bryan writes about a late-night in his office where he was feeling the weight of his work. Feeling like he was, in fact, broken: "I frequently had difficult conversations with clients who were struggling and despairing over their situations-over the things they'd done, or had been done to them, that had led them to painful moments. Whenever things got really bad, and they were questioning the value of their lives, I would remind them that each of us is more than the worst thing we've ever done. I told them that if someone tells a lie, that person is not just a liar. If you take something that doesn't belong to you, you are not just a thief. Even if you kill someone, you're not just a killer. I told myself that evening what I had been telling my clients for years. I am more than broken. In fact, there is a strength, a power even, in understanding brokenness, because embracing our brokenness creates a need and desire for mercy, and perhaps a corresponding need to show mercy. When you experience mercy, you learn things that are hard to learn otherwise. You see things you can't otherwise see; you hear things you can't otherwise hear. You begin to recognize the humanity that resides in each of us."
As I grapple with my own places of brokenness, at least the energy of broken as an experience, I'm reminded in my practice, when I quiet the mind and steady my heart, that the bridge is indeed being built. The line of Awareness continues to drop lower and lower, bringing above the line, the very parts of me that should be celebrated and honored. First from within. Then stretching outwards to the other humans of Life Works and beyond even that boundary, finding ourselves on the path of cultivating inner peace and wellbeing.
The Intersection
The above description of Mindfulness is a longer form version of this very simple answer. Mindfulness is about Intention and Attention. Simple. Powerful. Accessible. In Mindfulness we sit so we can observe our experience. Over time, we cultivate the capacity to drop below the line of awareness and discover more in depth about ourselves. The further down we're able to go, the closer we get to finding ourselves in the cavern of our own hearts, where our Bodhi Light resides. It's from this space, where we set our Intentions. How do we want to show up in the world? With what? With whom? Where?
For me, it is here, on the pages of this blog. It is upstairs in the Life Works Wellbeing Studio. It is when I'm having coffee with Jere, or in a workshop with Beth. It is with my communities, whether work, school, sports, etc. I'm emerging from the cavern of my heart and walking this path, and what have I come upon? An intersection. Not surprising. Totally epic.
I fall from the tree of John O'Brien, as practitioners in the field of Human Services and Person Centered Planning often find themselves falling from. I've been fortunate enough not to fall and roll too far away. Rather, I've found myself rooting in his teachings, sitting at the base of the tree comfortably and well, uncomfortably at times...thanks John. Listening. Reflecting.
John writes of person centered planning like this: "At it's heart, person centered planning is a quality of relationship, a quality of listening that focuses attention on living a good life in community; a life of belonging and contribution."
For me, this is a thunderclap moment. It's been rumbling in the background of my work for years, and not surprisingly, as I am closer to my authentic core than I've ever been, I'm seeing with fresh eyes and a wide open heart. Through my Mindfulness practice, I'm cultivating the qualities of my being. Compassion. Equanimity. Joy. Lovingkindness. I can't cultivate these qualities of the heart until I quiet the mind effectively enough to hear the heart's soft whisper. And I can't hear the heart before working on the quality of my listening. When the line of awareness drops lower and lower, using Otto Scharmer's framing: I let go the voices of judgment, cynicism and fear...enabling me to open my mind, my heart and my will.
When we let go of these voices, we drop the story, we stop believing it. To John's point about a quality of relationship, I say the first stop is with the person we all spend the most time with: ourselves. If we believe in helping others 'live a good life', in relationship with other citizens, we've got to attune to ourselves in deeply meaningful ways.
Parker Palmer writes "Community cannot take root in a divided life. Long before community assumes external shape and form, it must be present as a seed in the undivided self: only as we are in communion with ourselves can we find ourselves in community with others."
As mentioned before, another beautiful teacher of mine is Beth Mount. Beth speaks and writes often about person centered planning in terms of seeking our Highest Future Potential.
She harkens us back to the democratic ideal that all people are created equal and sheds light on a dangerously untended field, creating structural violence, crushing the soul and the life out of people. And yet, finding the cracks. The cracks where the light shines through, out of the darkness and into our collective consciousness. All centered around the notion that we have something to Contribute. An invitation to Belong to something bigger.
Highest Future Potential? Bodhi Light? Intersection. Thunderclap again, and in the wake of it's boom I find myself reveling in the light that burst right before the sound permeated my soul. There exists this symbiotic relationship between the values and wisdom emitting from Mindfulness Meditation and Person Centered Planning. Perhaps an ordering difference, in that we set intentions in Person Centered Planning and then pay a high quality of attention to those intentions.
In Mindfulness, I feel as though we start with attention, sitting and listening to ourselves slowly enough to find the switch to turn on our Bodhi Light. From there we set intentions for a path we call our own, illuminated by that Bodhi Light and in search of the manifestation of our Highest Future Potential. If the good life is what we seek, let's be sure we have resourced ourselves enough to take care of ourselves, so we can in community, take care of each other.
The Vision
I'll start here with a brief story. Back in 2022, I had a lunch with Vicky and Nate. They're a lovely married couple who both have worked for Life Works for several years. At this lunch, we talked about how things have been going and something happened, a question was asked, and I noticed an upwelling of emotion in Vicky.
Vicky went on to share, essentially, that she had been feeling misaligned in many ways. A good employee no matter where she worked, Life Works at the time was both a job and a home, Vicky, having worked elsewhere at different stops, found herself in a similar existential career crisis.
The three of us simply sat together and space was held for this to just be present. After some time, I asked Vicky if she'd be open to engaging with the Liberty Plan process, a template of person centered planning. Vicky having sat in support of some of the people she supports through the process understood and accepted immediately.
When the day of the plan rolled around, Vicky came in with a wide open heart, as if just the invitation itself became an avenue to start the journey to healing and clarity. Accepting the invitation was an act of self-compassion. I remember how it felt to be in that space that day. It was warm. It was bright. Why? Vicky is warm. Vicky is bright. The humans who convened that morning, held each other up. Listened slow. Dropped into the space of empathic and generative listening. When we finished with Vicky's plan, she told our friend and colleague Joy Boe (responsible for the amazing graphics on Vicky's Liberty Plan) "I will never forget how loved I felt today."
The expansive quality of this way of being, an organization embracing a Love Ethic, reaches beyond role or label. It is for everyone. No matter what the nature of your relationship is to Life Works, we stand for partnering with people to access their Bodhi Light. It's this Bodhi Light that will help to illuminate our Highest Future Potential...and here we sit together, at the crossroads of Mindfulness and The Heart of Person Centered Planning. What a beautiful place to be.
Again from her book, "All About Love," Bell Hooks writes, "To live our lives based on the principles of a love ethic (showing care, respect, knowledge, integrity, and the will to cooperate), we have to be courageous. Learning how to face our fears is one way we embrace love. Our fear may not go away, but it will not stand in the way. Those of us who have already chosen to embrace a love ethic, allowing it to govern and inform how we think and act, know that when we let our light shine, we draw to us and are drawn to other bearers of light. We are not alone."
Mindfulness is referred to as a practice because that’s what it requires. If we’re going to show up in the world with skill, compassion and wisdom, it requires practice. It takes discipline. Person Centered Planning is a practice. If we're going to show up as facilitators of this practice with skill, compassion and wisdom, it requires practice. This work is heavy. This work is real. It will be difficult at times. So the message is to try to be steady. Give yourself some grace. We're never done with the work of attending to our higher self. We may get bogged down, which is why it is critical to find your community, your Sangha. While on retreat in Big Bear, one of the teachers shared a story of a fellow practitioner, Cory. Cory has lots of tattoos, but two in particular are most important to him.
"When I'm feeling the weight of it all, I just have to look down at my hands and whisper, I love you. Keep going."
What a simple and direct reminder, one carrying the wisdom of compassion. This quality of Compassion, coupled with Awareness Based Collective Action, combine to be the fundamental energy behind what we're trying to embody here at Life Works.
From the more recent long-retreat, I remember this daily message from Bruni, one of our teachers that week. She would sit with us at the morning meditation, the sunrise meditation. This would always be followed by her sweet message to us "Remember when you're in the dining hall, to look at your food, see what you are eating. Smell your food. Taste your food. Open all the sense doors."
Now, I'll admit that my typical behavior in the dining hall on these retreats is to keep my head buried in my food, as the invitation from the teachers is to be insular, with your own process and practice. So I'm sitting in a room with a hundred other humans, not speaking to each other and trying not to make eye contact out of respect for the reflective nature of retreat. On about the 4th day, as I'm eating my breakfast I hear Bruni's voice come ringing through. I paused, looked closely and realized my oatmeal was blurry. I slowly leaned back and things came into clear detail. I could see the interaction between individual oats and the granola bits I added. The way the honey caressed the blueberries and reflected the light from overhead. I could feel the steam, the warmth, rising from the bowl. Looking closely at my breakfast isn't just about that. It's a practice. A practice in presence. With presence comes clarity. With clarity comes alignment. With alignment, a unique path Emerges.
For me, the gift of this practice, Mindfulness Meditation, is the cultivation of my capacity to align with my true nature. My Bodhi Light. What might it be like if we all, as the Life Works Sangha, cultivated our individual Bodhi Lights, and joined them in community with each other, to build bridges to Inclusion. Sort of like the Care Bear Stare. (That one is for my Gen X'ers reading this. You're welcome. To the rest of you, apologies.)
Emergence has been my word this year. It's important for me to have a space to go inward, so I may be better when I go outward. Who knows what this will all come to? I can't help but think there's no harm in trying, not when it's just about finding your practices for wellbeing. At very least, we'll find some personal growth. At very best, we will find strength and unity on this path. We may start to realize the future for Life Works we seek. One in which all people who partner with us, regardless of role or label, have the opportunity to create a path unique to them, with a little help along the way. One breath at a time. One plan at a time. The Life Works Sangha. A community of committed humans holding each other sacred. Holding each other with compassion. Embracing a Love Ethic so we may have the fortitude to effect change where change is needed. Life Works is Emerging with a heart that loves, a heart that allows, a heart that delights in the happiness of others and a heart that responds.
And if you've made it all the way down here, I say to you this: I love you. Keep going.
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